Aliens and Jesus in Wood


Earlier this week I read that NASA was holding a news conference to discuss an  astrobiology discovery that would impact the search of alien life.

I couldn’t help but let my mind wander on what it could mean.  Did NASA discover evidence of life on Mars, or on one of Saturn’s moons, anywhere?   I was excited.  I discussed it with a friend, who thought it was probably going to be that they discovered a single-celled something on a comet.  Even still, if scientists did find a single-celled organism somewhere, anywhere, it would have meant that we are not alone in the universe.  But, it turns out they found life on Earth “able to thrive and reproduce using the toxic chemical arsenic.”  Thanks NASA.  I’m sure to some scientists it’s a really big deal.  For the rest of us mere mortals, let us know when you find something that isn’t on Earth.

I believe there is life in the universe, besides Earth.  There has to be, right?  I don’t believe we will discover it in my life time though, possibly ever.  Until we can find a way(if it’s even possible) to travel at the speed of light, or faster, to bend space/time to instantly get places, or some equally wild idea like that, then we will never discover life.  Everything is way too far away.  Maybe there is an alien race somewhere out there, but they are still limited by the same problems of space travel.  Maybe an alien probe, like ones we send out, will come into our solar system at some point.  I really hope so.  I don’t like the idea that we’re it.  That we are the life in the universe.  I realize that life on Earth is amazing, but we do a pretty good job of screwing it up.  To some it’s not an issue if we never find life.  I don’t like thinking that we are alone.  We’re basically trapped on Earth.  What else is out there?  Is there a planet with creatures like on ours?  Is there a planet of intelligent beings?  What are their philosophies?  What do they value?  I also wonder how us discovering life would redefine our religions.  I want to know, step it up NASA.  Is there anybody out there?

Top 5 things I masturbated to in November

1. Porn

2. Porn

3. Ex-girlfriends

4. Porn

5. Porn


Almond man finds Jesus in slab of wood!

“Mike White of Almond. NY has a piece of cherry wood that he, and some others, believe portrays a natural image of Jesus.
Soon, online auction bidders will be the judge of its worth as he plans to auction the 11 1/2 by 34 inch piece of lumber on eBay.”

This is the town I lived in as a teenager….

People seem to find images of Jesus in everything from wood to pieces of toast.  Is that part of Gods plan?  To blow your mind by revealing Jesus to you in your oatmeal?  My next question is, if Jesus did reveal himself to you in a manner like that, do you think his intentions were to have you sell it on eBay?  Maybe he figured you could use a little more money.  I think if I was God, I would answer a prayer of keeping a loved one healthy or something.  I can’t blame him for selling it though, I sure as hell would…..if it looked even remotely like Christ.  I know you’re dying to see it, so here it is.

Can you see it?  As soon as I saw it, I fell to my knees.  I saw everything in a new light, like it was the first time I had ever truly used my eyes, as I basked in the divine light of this glorious piece of wood.  I must have it.  Unfortunately, the man is starting the bid at $10,000 on eBay.  So, you know, fuck all that.

What exactly are people seeing that I can’t see?  Peoples minds see what they want to see.  I would agree that Christ was in this piece of wood if it looked something like this..

The dollar sign and the thumbs up would let me know that Jesus wanted me to sell it.

Who sees the image of Christ in this mans piece of wood?  Tell me, I want to see it too.  Maybe it’s like one of those 3D art pieces.  I could never see those either.  People would give me stupid tips on how to see the image, but I never could.  Maybe I need to start staring at it close, then slowly bring it away from my face.  Hold on, let me try…….  Nope, that didn’t work either.

Conclusion:  It doesn’t look anything like Jesus, but I’m sure some sucker will buy it.


I’m going to measure my penis now, and tell you all how small it is….


Just kidding, this is a family blog.


I’m out of crap to write about tonight.  Later suckas.








  1. #1 by Edward Cullen on December 8, 2010 - 10:27 am

    The “image of Christ” looks more like a side profile shot of John Merrick flipping the bird with his big elephant hand.

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